Mets Christmas Presents Revealed!


We have got a great scoop here at While you can go to other sites to find out about which fifth starter candidate or 5th outfielder Sandy Alderson is about to acquire with his $25 Amazon Gift Card he received from the Wilpons for operating expenses, but here we can tell you what Santa left under the tree for your favorite (and despised) current and former Mets!

David Wright: Santa’s gift did not come from the North Pole, rather it came right from New York City, on Sesame Street. It was brought to you by the letters C, F and the number 5. The C is for Captain, which he will be if not by official uniform letter than in reality. The F is for Franchise, as his contract ensures that barring a significant injury or trade he will be the second Mets player whom you can call rightfully call The Franchise without anyone who lived through the late 60s-early 70s giving you the evil eye. The number 5 is a Present to be Named Later, for when he retires and his number joins the select group over in left field.

Reuben Tejada: A Mets jersey with the name Not Reyes on the back

Matt Harvey: An MLB Full Season Contract

Ike Davis: A valley fever free spring (PLLLEEASSEEEE) and a Mets Keg

John Buck: A franchise with a more trustworthy ownership.

Justin Turner: 1,001 Pie Recipes

Mike Baxter: Mets Immortality

Jordany Valdespin: A Mets Cap

Daniel Murphy: A 2B Glove, and ONLY a 2B glove, and a bat. My sources say he slept with the bat in his arms.

Frank Francisco: A Nathan’s coupon

Travis d’Arnaud / Zack Wheeler: One last month out of the limelight in April before hopefully/probably the end of obscurity

Sandy Alderson: A box of Godiva chocolates

Scott Hairston: A (re-gifted) Box of Godiva chocolates

RA Dickey: A Darth Vader figurine with his face under the helmet.

Jose Reyes: A good trainer on staff in preparation for Toronto’s Turf.

Fred Wilpon: Two more years of Bud Selig

Baby Jeffy: A new sucker

Uncle Saul: Continued Media deflection toward The Wilpons

Mr. Met: A chance to Headbutt the Philly Phanatic. Just once will be enough to destroy.

Lucas Duda:

Mets Fans: Hope. Ya Gotta Believe, right?

Johan Santana: A clock that ticks down to July 31st. It can also be rest to November 1st if necessary. Oh, and ULTIMATE METS IMMORTALITY

Huh.  Guess Christmas came early this year.

From all of us at

May the Mets, and all of you and your loved ones, have as good of a year as Johan did on June 1st, 2012.

Posted by Robert Z


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s