Mets 2014 New Year Resolutions

It is a new year for the Mets organization. 2013 had some highlights, and some low points. We saw Matt Harvey develop into an Ace, and fall to Tommy John surgery. We saw Zack Wheeler debut, but had less Cowgill. Byrd became the word until he faded to Black. There were April Buck Shots and Harvey May Days. We all got Young in June, were All-Stars in July, and got Wright out of August to play Dice in September.

Following a December when the Mets felt Grander with another Young Colon, the Mets players, coaches and staff all are resolved to change for the better in 2014. Here’s just a few of their resolutions:

Matt Harvey: Talk more about Qualcomm and less visits to Dr. James Andrews.

Jon Niese: Buy an electric shoulder warmer for the next time I gotta pitch in freezing temperatures.

Victor Black: Walk people less. To laugh when someone makes yet another Fade to Black joke.

Gonzalez German German: Legally change my first name to Herman.

Jenrry Mejia: Stay Healthy. Remind fans every day that I’m only half a year older than Zack Wheeler. I’m a prospect too!

Zack Wheeler: Remind myself every day that I am not, nor should I try to be Matt Harvey.

Travis d’Arnaud: Teach Mike Francessa how to pronounce my name.

Scott Rice: Learn to say “Not Tonight” to Dan Warthen.

Dan Warthen: To go one year without setting a game appeared record for my Lefty Reliever.

Ike Davis: To wear a towel in the clubhouse —- at least when reporters are inside.

David Wright: Resolve to take pitches. I still can’t believe it. I finally have PROTECTION again. I will see strikes this year! Strikes! I gotta send Grandy another thank you Salmon.

Curtis Granderson: Set a world record for most Salmon consumed in one year. Damn Bartolo Colon.

Lucas Duda: DUDA SMASH MORE PUNY BASEBALLS!

Reuben Tejada: Wait, I’m supposed to make my New Year’s Resolutions BEFORE New Year’s Day, Terry?

Chris & Eric Young: We resolve to limit the Young jokes………….we’re going to break this one are we?

Sandy Alderson: Tweet Less.

Fred, Jeff Wilpon & Saul Katz: Get more bank loans. Or find another Ponzi scheme. Or both.

Sandy Alderson: I thought you guys were going to resolve to allow me to spend more?

Fred, Jeff, Saul: ………It’s January, shouldn’t you be scouring the scrap heap? The next Marlon Byrd is out there!

Bartolo Colon: Lose Weight. Exercise. Stay drug free. Learn to bunt.

Anthony Recker: Damn Near Kill Her.

Posted by Robert Z

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